A Mother & Her Teenage Son's Parallel Paths

Our home life gives new meaning to being on the "debating team". Please tell me there is someone out there who can relate to parent-teen relationships? Somewhere in my naive head I thought that I would now step back as a parent and tag my son to do his thing! What was I thinking? What he liked yesterday is completely non-negotiable today. It is like a switch that went on once he hit grade 9. Fortunately, we have a great guy here who knows right from wrong, has a kind heart and really does want to do well. I will need a t-shirt that says"We survived grade 9!" I can't even imagine saying "We survived his teen years!" because we are taking this journey one day at a time. I can't remember a time where I felt more vulnerable, when I second guessed myself, felt this sensitive, felt I needed reassurance that I was on the right path and needed to hear from other like minded parents who survived this stage of development or are presently in the midst of the emotional storm as well. Of course my head says give him room to fly and make mistakes and my heart is saying but "what if?" I feel like my son and I are mirroring each other. We are each trying to find our way!What keeps me on my course(most days) is that I have a very spiritual anchor in my life, I continue to be emotionally, spiritually and physically available to him and myself, I survived it and yes I worked with Teens for many years as a counsellor. So I am here to tell you it doesn't matter what formal training or background we come from these turbulent times are inevitable.I am a strong supporter of Retreats as I host two a year along and attend various ones myself.While on my recent day of silence retreat I wrote the following letter to myself . Half way through the letter to myself I knew that I needed to put my son's name on top of the letter as well. It went like this:Dear Self/Son:I am so very sorry for expecting SO MUCH from you! I have pushed and pushed and pushed you to do more, be more , see more and feel more! My expectations of you have been totally unrealistic. Here I thought I was helping you to improve and be better that I did the opposite. Instead of CELEBRATING & TRULY ACCEPTING your radiant, bright light that shines inside of you I added to your darkness with my fear and uncertainty. The darkness where self doubt, denial of who we really are, the lies, pain and anger that lives on in each one of us.I'm sorry for letting you down. You deserve to be CELEBRATED & SEEN for the beautiful person you are! For you see, you are ENOUGH at this very moment and always! You don't have to prove yourself to others to fit in because through my eyes you already fit in to your own beautiful skin, you fit in our family and your community to share your gifts and especially your purpose. My anger lately has been directed at myself and others around me. I thought I could conceal it. Now I understand the anger is at me for not truly seeing you. For that I am genuinely sorry.My heart aches thinking about each time you felt I kept pushing you to succeed more and be more only to cause you to self doubt yourself even more. Now that I know what I have been doing I will work on "stopping it." Please know that I believe in you and that I SEE how SPECIAL you are! Please know that you have all you need right inside of you now! I want to remind you that in fact you are much more than ENOUGH!With all my love,"ME"/"MOM"

7:51:00 AM